Social Networking and the Ex-Partner

Most of us have done it out of curiosity, anger, or hurt. Our modern world makes it so easy. We google our ex-partner. We check in on their Facebook page, their Twitter feed, and their Instagram photos. Maybe we’re hoping to feel better by learning that they still pine for us. Maybe we’re hoping to desperately reconnect with a glimpse of what was lost. Maybe we need forgiveness.

Heck, maybe we’re just bored.

However, if you’re already courting or connecting with another person, those reachings for the past can have a damaging effect.

You’ve probably heard some of the more serious tales. The two exs sneak off and cheat with each other, since they are used to being intimate already. It’s an easy trap to fall back into. Some exs become more extreme and leave their current partners for each other. It’s easy to idealize that past – to remember all the good times and gloss over the not-so-good times. In the meantime, pain and anguish is caused to the current partners who trusted in you. And, in the end, in most cases, the exs break up again for pretty much the same reasons they split up in the first place. It just wasn’t meant to be.

But even more subtle connections with an ex can harm not only your relationship but your own growth and contentment as an individual. More and more researchers have been studying these effects.

Tara C. Marshall is one of the researchers exploring this arena. She found that the more a person spent time following the activities of an ex, the more that person stopped living in the present or planning for the future. Instead, they were drawn back to the way things “should” have been. Critical time, energy, and focus were supplied to that past situation instead of to current possibilities.

It can be even worse if the ex seems to have found a happy life and/or kindled a new relationship they’re joyful about. These can all make the person in question feel less happy about what they have achieved.

Looking at the research out there, it’s usually better to create a path forward which focuses on your own growth and on the relationships you are forming. That’s not to say you have to shun an ex. If you happen to run into each other, it’s usually the best policy to remain polite. But none of us have a time machine. We all can only control this one moment we’re in. We can plan for our future. Hopefully we learn from the past so that we make better choices with each day.

Romantic Bermuda Cruise

I just got back from a delightfully romantic cruise to Bermuda. The boat goes right out of Boston, so for me there’s no flights involve. We simply drive into Boston, park there, hop on the boat, and then it’s beautiful sailing for a week. The boat arrives at Bermuda and docks there so you can get on and off whenever you want.

I love to snorkel and take photography of architecture, so it was just wonderful. Having delightful food available whenever I wanted was a treat, too!

Nearly every building on Bermuda seems to be done in pastel shades of pink, blue, yellow, and green. This church is at St. George’s which is a beautiful village.

I have a romantic suggestion for people considering a trip like this. On one of the ferry rides I was seated near a dating couple. The woman spent the entire hour-long trip complaining about her ex-boyfriend. I get it. The guy wasn’t right for her. But surely there’s a better way to spend one’s energy and vacation time than stressing and ranting about someone who, hopefully, is now no longer important in your life. Especially when you’ve got a new, interested beau sitting right there beside you.

Life is short. Every day is precious. Treasure it and spend it enjoying the people around you who care for you.

And do try a cruise :). They are often fantastically cost-effective ways to explore places full of beauty and wonder.

Have you gone on a cruise? Where did you go? I’d love to hear about it!

Happy Autumn Equinox!

Happy Autumn Equinox!
Happy Autumn Equinox!

Happy Autumn Equinox!

The Autumn Equinox issue of Mused is now live. This is the final issue of our eighth full year! It’s just stunning. This next Winter issue will be the first of our ninth season!! Thank you all so much for your support.

The issue is spectacular. There are just amazing stories and poems in this. It is heartwarming how many high quality artists trust us with their works.

Here is the issue –

http://www.bellaonline.com/review/

We would love to hear your thoughts on it – and we would love to see your submissions for the upcoming Winter issue! Share the news!

Have a great week :).

Yoga for Stress Relief and Forgiveness

Yoga for Stress Relief and Forgiveness
Yoga for Stress Relief and Forgiveness

Today’s lovely yoga session on the back porch filled me with calm energy for my day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, a gentle breeze was blowing, and life was radiating with peace. I am so grateful to have that opportunity to reset myself before I begin my task list.

Here’s my routine – it’s a free ebook and is suitable for all levels. Feel free to ask me with any questions!

Yoga for Stress Relief and Forgiveness